Hetty4Christ

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9/1/15

Never Again- " Mayo Clinic" in Jacksonville, FL...

Well.... how it went......



Above- my disaster from Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL- ONLY....

To that I say-

It used to be due to several cruel people, really. But this one truly took the cake. No one can take someone (for example, myself), who has conquered so many health battles in life, and in turn use those same health battles against me. What I am referring to when I say this? The horrific "Special Notes" written in a biased and untruthful manner by Dr. Kristine M Thompson (a physician in the Mayo Clinic Emergency Room in Jacksonville, FL).

This place lacks dignity, care, testing, solutions, strategies. The core of the problem is the amount of staff, next problem, the type of staff.

We can all go back in 2003 and discuss...what I went thru, what my neurologist from Mayo in PHOENIX AZ... went thru without a wink- TO SAVE ME.... But I do not take judgements from ED people, who haven't chosen a specialty- who don't stay true to their patients..... and who do not bring up your history charts to see that you have never once sought out pain medication in your lifetime. Been in excruciating pain that my... MY doctors, no- MY SPECIALISTS in Phoenix, AZ Fight and test, and fight, and retest until everything is exhausted.... Then pick up again and start over.

So, in a move I think anyone would agree was a very well-reasoned, we decided on Jacksonville, FL - which so happens to have a large Mayo Clinic minutes from our new home. We all agreed that having Mayo Clinic so convenient and close to my house in Florida would help this pain disaster. Until we GOT back, we didn't figure but a second round for pain treatment would be needed for my ferocious pain here at the JACKSONVILLE MAYO AND  will be traveling back to the REAL MAYO- at Mayo in Phoenix, AZ.... since no one here calls back, and no one here tests or cares. Which is totally ok, I've ALWAYS LOVED THE ONE IN PHOENIX.... I named my cat after it. I had all 3 brain surgeries there and more. And they push on. Respect.

We HAD to go back to the ED in hopes these people, like Dr. Braggs, or really more off Dr. Thompson were just living nightmares, that may have repeated more than once or twice, but it could have just been their foul weather here, their bad short stocked nights, or really in fact, that they were just as horrifying as they really came across each and every time???! I give people more than second chances, right!!?? Well.... Dr K Thompsom belittled me in my pain, and discomfort to the point I was already nauseous from pain- but she threw it out of proportion. Judging me WHY I REALLY was there, what for, and she would control what medication to prescribe - which I don't have necessarily true allergic reactions to, but rather can have sensitive reactions to that defeat the purpose of the medication.

Did Dr. Thompson EVER read my 13 year devoted chart to Mayo, at least Mayo in Phoenix and Rochester? NO. She would have seen I invested as much time, energy, money, trust, and health into MY docs, that she had zero idea where I was standing today in life. She has poor judgment and clarity... For that should not be "caring" for anyone. As for hers isn't just a rainy day. Her additude is every night and day.

So due to Braggs, John, many others and of course, Dr. Kristine M Thompson, I will fly 3000 miles and back every week before I EVER drive 3 exits to see them ever again. The facility as a whole is disrespectful. There is zero care of your concerns... You are just a number at THIS MAYO IN JACKSONVILLE, FL.... THE REASON people in the Midwest to the West Coast NEVER HAVE HEARD A PEEP ABOUT THIS MAYO. The reason THIS MAYO even runs a LITTLE DIFFERENT SHIP and has its own "secondary" number as opposed to just the ONE Clinic number.
The Mayo in Jacksonville, FL won't end here... Neither will Dr. Kristine M Thompson. This is when things just begin. And you just wish you would have thought twice about NOT BEING IN THE MAYO SYSTEM OF RESPECT, INTEGRGRITY, NON-judgmental of your patients.... Like the Mayo in Phoenix, Scottsdale, AZ.... And Rochestser and all sister hospitals in MN. You have truly begun a nightmare Miss Kristine Thompson.... Unless you know how to apologize, admit failure, face to face and on paper work in the next 90 days.... You have so much to answer. I will be there. But you owe all, ALL OF MY WESTERNIZED MAYO's SORRY's. We live a bit different sharp life in Western America- which is I guess why people look for Western medicine. Start With my neurologist, I'd be thrilled to go down a list of people you need to include Ms Thompson. As for my doctors never fade. MINE DONT....

Keep working the way you wish.... I will keep traveling THE FRIENDLY SKIES to Mayo in Phoenix, AZ..... BLESSINGS.
IN HIS TIGHT GRIP,

HEATHER J SIEBENS

8-31-15

To God be the Glory, Honor, Praise!

Proverbs 13: 13

People who despise advice will find themselves in trouble; those who respect it will succeed.

Proverbs 24:12

Don't try to avoid responsibility by saying you didn't know about it. For God knows ALL hearts, AND HE SEES YOU. He keeps watch over your soul, and He knows YOU KNEW!! And He will judge ALL people according to what they have done.

For Dr. Joseph F Drazkowski, Dr. B Vargas, Dr. R.S. Zimmerman, Dr.Cynthia Stonnington .... This verse below applies to you all so perfect in my heart-with so many thanks! For God has used you all as a distinct tool and continues to in this generation-yes for me!!! But Amen for ALL. Bless you all ....this is for you....

Matthew 4:24

News about Him (Jesus) spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that the sick were coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were epileptics, or were paralyzed-HE HEALED THEM ALL.

Cut and Stapled Many Times from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Below my amazing Epileptologist who saved me- 13 years- Dr. Joseph F Drazkowski. Mayo Clinic Hospital in Phoenix, AZ........
I will fly 6000 miles for ALL of you there..... thank you! 





8/27/15

My Precious Angel

My Precious Angel- Tory 


My daughter- a very special gift from God. One that was going to learn quickly and deeply about Jesus as I started to go to church when she was two. She soaked that up and shared all she knew with everyone she'd be with. "Did you know that Jesus died on the Cross for you?" It was beautiful... yet I hadn't accepted Him yet, so I was a bit mortified!! She has breezed thru all my illnesses and medical complications knowing God has a major purpose for me-one big one is being her mommy! And I am so grateful she views that. And is thrilled to tell kids what my brain has gone thru! My amazing girl just keeps growing-now has her own horses. Responsibility. Awesome child of God.
Blessed Christian and I forever.
I cannot express how much I love this angel -my precious daughter from Jesus to me! For all her amazing parts and pieces- I give God all the Glory, Honor and praise... for she has had a heart for comforting others way before any normal creature. She missed her mommy, me, whom was in the hospital for a week for my 1st brain surgery in 2002 when she was barely over 1... I was in SO MUCH PAIN.... but somehow, this princess knew not to hug hard-as she ran toward me to hug me, she halted, rested her left hand on my right leg, as she look up high to my wrapped head and swollen face and black/red swollen eye-she paused then just gently and slowly wrapped her arms around my legs to show her how much love she has for me-and I swear, even before she and I had started to go to church, that God was in her and she had some sort of 1 year old prayer going on... Tory Moriah Siebens is a very special gift to me, that I never could thank Jesus enough for... This picture is from her and I just yapping at each other from last night, about so many subjects. We've been thru so much together- and she and I are worth every trial... Hug your kiddos, they are the best gift and blessing God can give an awesome married couple. We are so blessed.... I am so grateful-- that He chose who would be the not only perfect husband,Christian C Siebens for me, but that Christian would be Tory’s perfect daddy at a young age- young enough to only see him as daddy, young enough to not realize that her biological beat me while she slept soundly in her room the first night we were in our apartment in Killeen, TX. Last time we were all together ever as a family. She never saw my ex as dad- he was gone figuring out his life most of the time. So his beating me, my pill popping then search for Christ was the most amazing intervene with zero regrets. She has a real family. We can throw humor out about the biological here and there- but mostly, he just has dissipated on his own choice. Which was good for her seizures that went away, self esteem, schooling. She is my Tory.
She has bloomed so much past all my brain surgeries and screw and plate removals, hospitalizations, etc. She is one strong, loving, caring baby girl thru it all. She has a very tender heart. I wouldn’t change anything in the world that ever began all my seizures going nuts- cause if I did, I wouldn’t be blessed with her.

I have major down days- hit with pain in the head and neck I’ll never be able to explain but horrendous … but she gets it all. And still is so gentle and loving with me, yet has such a blast with her friends. Understands my limits, never throws a fit. Yet we also have her perfect dad, my husband who has been here thru everything and there for everything. She IS his kid. His teen. Some days thru my sick days I get so jealous. But others I just thank God for the perfect match- I couldn’t imagine life any different. They are my one in all!

I truly thank God for my angel…. we’ve been thru so much, her watching me convulse for hours so young, divorce she didn’t get, brain surgeries 1,2,3… moving so many times due to my health. She is yet such a bubbly daughter I thank Jesus for. Most would throw tempers… she just throws love. I don’t know what else to do but praise You Jesus. She is a work of art from YOU for Christian and I. Thank YOU!

You are endlessly loved Tory, even as you grow. Your maturity amazes me. Your heart reminds me so much of this one person I know really well. You are my angel, yesterday, today, forever.

I love you Tory….

Your Mommy,

Mom

Hetty/Heather Siebens
To God be the Glory Honor Praise!!!


You and I Won Baby Girl from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

8/22/15

Out of Control trying to Come to Control

                                    

This is the man, the doc, the neurologist at Mayo Hospital in Phoenix AZ....HE is an Epileptologist, Professor at Mayo, high ranked not just by me, but so many others. He is a son of 6, Husband, father to one beautiful daughter. He also loves to ride very nice motorcycles, and has an array quite a few. He is a very deeply caring doctor... Never wants to throw the towel in, no matter how complicated neurology is. Yet he is so loving and compassionate and fights for your rights. Not many neuros in this works like that. In fact they strain to take your drivers license away more than fight for you to have one. He is all about your quality of life being positive, or your seizure will go out of whack, and more.

I've been his patient since February 20, 2002 at 2:00 pm. Man when I first saw him, he looked rough like I had a lot to answer or have him to set me straight. No. He is very funny and as many on the 5th floor have named him, a teddy bear, very gentle and caring to all. 

I have been living this neck, head, forehead, eyes, nose bridridge, ears all killing me pain, off and on for months- it just exceeded worse today and even my eyesight is off- and I went to the ER here in FL to hopefully alleviate pain. It wasn't going far, nor were my calls to this neuro at the Mayo here in FL. Out of the blue, While crying in pain at the Mayo  here I just think is in la la land here in Jacksonville, FL....I got a call from my lifetime neurologist at the Mayo in Phoenix. Says if I can clear my schedule he'll set up all tests to figure out what to do. Cause I can't go on like this. I'm sure trying, miserably failing. 

I truly thank God for placing Drazkowski in my life. I wouldn't be alive today had he not been. He was a pusher for me in my over dosing days, after my ex beat me, to keep seeking God. He kept me proud I did. There just aren't many like this out there. His poor voice crackled to my tears.... We go so far back like we are blood related, uncle and niece....and he fears losing me. He has a heart no neurologist has- zero. And should have every award under the moon. My life is only sane and grounded and livable thru Draz. I sure thank Jesus for him in every life he is part of. He changes lives and health for the good, never to give up. These are the moments I can hold onto hope still..... I am blessed.

Bless you all...

From my journey to yours!

Heather/Hetty Siebens 

https://www.linkedin.com/hetty4christ
www.belive2shine.com
http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe
http://www.Twitter.com/AliveinMe

    To God Be The Glory Honor Praise!








    8/17/15

    Pain Out of Control

    Add to Google

    I still try to be goofy me, no matter how much pain I am in.
    But this has been very outrageous. 

    Ever since I got here to FL it has all been on fire. My neck kills in pain, runs up to my head, my ears, my eyes.... and when there was brief relief-it was extreme body pain. Didn't ever seem to matter what medication I took-what infusion I got-it was never getting better. We are now on month #2- God only knows how many doctor appointments, how many horrific ER visits here in the south-wonderful Mayo Clinic-but day and night from mine in AZ. It somehow actually became humorous thru it all. But this just isn't ending. I will be up past 4 AM almost every night due to crazy pain making it unable to fall asleep- so language is a bit altered from that and short term memory. It is just so so frustrating. And everyone always wants to write it off as Fibromyalgia. Always. There is just more to it. Much more. It's fine to have "that" too.... but there is more to this when your brain has been resected three times. More has to be dug into. But Lord, we wouldn't want to go to far, now would we.??? Thank you Obama.... no matter how great your insurance is- how amazing your tests are- it still boils down to how much more do we have to do?? In 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 even 2011 and 2012 were okay? They'd do everything from the moon and back. But things began to get a bit harder. Less in depth. And hard part is- this is the worst pain I've had ever. What test is this dear Lord?
    I try my best to remain positive. Active. Loving. In Love with my family and Jesus. But wow can I fall apart. It's just truth of the matter. I push myself so hard to see life from other people's shoes. My friend Alissa just went thru bone marrow transplant, another friend another drastic surgery for cancer-still in ICU months later.... my friend Ashley who has epilepsy who deals with daily stress with seizures- with her adorable young kiddos. And my friend Mary who has dealt with hard cards for several big illnesses, yet has it in her to look up so much info for me one late night. This is God.  And thank you Cathy for the 4 hour talk..... we sure were able to connect and vent such similarities!!! I am blessed in these ways- and hanging on... but wow- am I ever in pain.
    My husband and daughter have hearts beyond the moon. As if they are standing in Heaven with Jesus. Christian looked up info where a lot made sense. Perhaps it is the Gluten in food. We will try that. I just don't know if that is what is affecting these quick come on's with my neck, head, ears, face pain. It is so hard to talk it hurts so bad. But I do. I can't go without that. I press on. I love you Jefferey for driving me home last night cause I whimped out at your house finally- I just talked to much. I have a limit. You are blessed Alissa.
    I truly thank God for you all. You all always have so many kind words- uplifting for me. I know I don't say enough. It has just been so hard. I am trying. This blog is an amazing step. It is just very hard. Feels like my neck is broken. Funny thing is.... our new home- we live on Neck Rd. Now isn't that ironic. Does God get a kick out of these things, or what.
    I am sure praying people aren't feeling like this- that maybe for once my prayer to take on other's pain came true... cause it is a lot. I couldn't imagine worse right now. But I sure know it is out there- that is the scary part. I am always proven that. For those words- I am praying for you all. You will touch so many lives.
    All I can say is I try to stop crying and keep my head up... so to say.... and know I am not alone.... 
    So much love and prayers to you all... I am never far away.... text, call, skype, message.

    In His Love,

    Heather/Hetty Siebens

    Joshua 1:9
    "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

    Matthew 4:24
    News about Him spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that the sick were soon coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were EPILEPTICS, or were paralyzed-he healed them all! NLT

    7/23/15

    Twelve Years Still Counting


    I am only still counting my years around this earth, because of this team right here. Twelve years ago, without these two, I wouldn't be sitting here typing still. She is my angelic daughter who kept me fighting for more, for life, for us. He is my miracle doc, feels more like family that cares than just any title of doctor. He is my epileptologist, my mentor, my earthly savior, my neurologist who also helped guide me to my brain surgeries, off wrong medications, on right ones- yet listens to my thoughts and feelings on them. Dr. Joseph Francis Drazkowski.... my miracle.
    It was 12 years ago I had quite a few overdosings. Just several parked me into the Mayo Hospital to make sure I'd come out of it all ok. This one was following a tonic clonic seizure.... so I had extra phenobarbital to swish down. It was just more frustration in life- OD'ing was my answer.
    I was searching for Jesus still at Cornerstone here in Chandler, AZ.... I just hadn't quite connected yet. It was so hard. So my filler of the void was to numb my pain with as much Phenobarbital as I had. A very strong anti-convulsant- first one truly created for anti seizures back in 1912. When I would see my neurologist I would feel so bad- he never made me feel that way- probably why I did. He had such a heart- still does. Kept pushing to fix me- knowing that I wanted to be fixed. I just was really struggling from my ex beating me 2 months after my 1st brain surgery... so he knew to figure out a plan. My July 23rd OD and hospitalization was my 2nd one with Mayo that year- I yet had one huge one to come that changed my life, and my medication.
    He always has answers and plans. He and my others neurologist Dr Bert Vargas are quite the team. They have me going in, ironically the same day I went in July 12 years ago... only I am going into the hospital just for 3 hours- to infuse pain medication into my system-3 different types, in hopes that 3 hours of infusion for 3 days will rid this horrific pain I have in my head-two exact spots for 2 months that don't ever go away-and never change spots. Just horrific pain. So praying it subsides. Also having a MRA done- which is a long intense type of MRI- showing in depth pictures of the brain-to make sure I don't have aneurysms, stroke, bleeding, etc.... It is on my "good" side of my head- non surgical side. So we will see what all this does. My neuro, Drazkowski is talking about doing an EEG as well... even though I know humidity is the cause of my seizures- but we will see.
    I am in a much better situation than I was 12 years ago. The best husband, daughter, family, and doctor.... all that helped me find Christ that year. Amen.....

    Love to you all...

    Much Love

    Hetty Siebens

    1 Corinthians 1:3 May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.

    Joshua 1:9
    This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go

    Family Fun from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

    3/28/15

    Second Brain Surgery Beginning


    This was our picture about a month and a half after my 2nd brain surgery- which began today, March 28th 2005..... a decade ago!!! Time flies when we are having.... well so many brain surgeries still to come!
    It was an awesome brain surgery, the 2nd. It rid my seizure issues to smell and music memories when my seizures were heightened-I'd have to turn off my favorite music. That is all gone now. We just still battled finding ability in more of a variety of anti-seizure medications, not just two killer meds in me-one that still affects my body to this date like chemo-and I am not even on it.

    My precious finance` then, husband now-was so full of fear. He grew up in the band-aid family maybe once a year. We got to the Mayo Clinic Hospital nice and early in the morning-I was ready to get in there-he grabbed my arm and asked me to wait. He had a gift- and 30+ cards!!! Cause he had NO IDEA how long I would be in there for. We also decided to exchange letters on how much the other means to the other- and I could read mine then, but I said he had to keep his sealed until I was in the OR. So he prayed in the car-shaking and then off we went.... him scared to death-me excited for the new seizure free Heather/Hetty.....

    My letter to my love Christian..... March 28, 2005

    Dear Christian~

    I am not positive where to start. You are my everything. I learned slowly, you are not my air, as for God truly is. You are the life support that has kept me here mentally by “our” choice. When I was down, you picked me up. When I was unwell, you helped me feel better. A lot of it in the beginning, you just didn’t get. You just knew there was this creature God was providing for a reason. You didn’t have strong feelings for just fun and games. You acted on them as He intended you to and I am still here. We are together. We are both focused on God. I am on my way to surgery to become better for our family. We are both growing stronger together through God and with God. This all happened for reasons. I thank God everyday for my struggles. I won’t ever step away from Him. Once the Phenobarbital Heather vanished and the new Heather came out, a new Christian Siebens did too! One full of pure love and words I never heard within my family. I thank God for my memory. I can think of every month of our relationship and remember spectacular things that touch my heart. Even if Phenobarbital was somehow intertwined, you somehow made moments spectacular. You have so much awesome kindness that words cannot express your ability to heal me mentally with kind words. Unfortunately, that isn’t the way it goes with the seizures. However, I do know if you weren’t in my life, my seizures would be on going as they were when I was with Nathan. It would be a non-stop game until my brain is worked on. You have made this simpler for the most part. I apologize for the things I could not provide, and wish that I could. But for me to be the one you want and the one I want to be for you, I need to focus on God and focus on this surgery. I am going to come out in a bit of pain, but so much less pain than last time. I now have accepted God fully in my life and He provided me with such a living treasure. You. I watch you with our daughter and I am amazed you weren’t with her from day one. The comforting bond you two have is like the comfort you have with your own father. I need you in my life to share love, to learn love. I know what the subject is and I know when I do and how much I do. I just need to learn how to show it better. I am a Jensen and we are different. I just need you to know I do love you with all my heart, mind and soul. (I do have some mind)  I will again be back for you. Let’s look forward to this surgery, my recovery, our relationship, our marriage, our family and the continuance of it all! We are worth it all and more. I never had this many memories with anyone. Not the good ones to keep. You have been through a lot with me and I credit you for it. I will be there for you always. That is why God wants me better. He wants me to be that awesome wife of great support. We are doing things right in His eyes. I am doing them happy and pray you are too. When you do things to please Him and that in turn pleases you, He will reward you in one way or another.  Just smile and know He is here with us both, or all three.  The hard part is over. Going through things without His help. We both know we can’t. He now is in control of all of our issues and we have His love and support. Don’t ever think twice about me not pulling through all of this, He is with me. I will be with you until our earthly time ends!
    I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I look forward to this hospital stay, healing, and the funny hairdo afterward when I am better. Just buy me some make-up so some of me looks all right!

    Christian, I thank God for you. For Stauffer introducing us. For all of my issues that got us here. I love everything about you and more. Others couldn’t fathom having the life we have. Without love, we would die like the rest. Thank God for providing that!

    While I am gone…read our Bible, take care of our precious one, visit me some, go to our church, update our friends there, talk with our family about it all…even if it seems the Jensen side doesn’t want to talk. You are the best father, I know it, she knows it, my parents see it, and God knows it for sure. It is your turn to recognize it. Enjoy that time, for when I return it will be crazy!

    I love you my precious one!
    Love,

    Hetty

    Philippians 4: 6-7
    Don't worry about anything: instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

    Matthew 4: 24
    News about Him spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that the sick were soon coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were epileptics, or were paralyzed-he healed them all!  NLT

    Wires in, on and Brain OUT !! from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

    2/14/15

    Holy Spirit in Your Life?


    Who is marveled by the child they have in their life??? I sure am. I went thru so much before I got pregnant with her, then really went crazy while pregnant ....but nothing will exceed my aftermath. Other than, I oddly, no matter how tough the suffering truly was physically and mentally, it was the way God woke me up to take my daughter and find this amazing Jesus person. I was clueless. I heard very little at 19 for the 1st time and happily and harshly rejected it. But He allows trials to continue in our lives until we finally hear the "wake up" call and race for Him to accept Him. But there is also major free will He can only give us billions of signs left and right, yet many remain blind and deaf to it- Hard hearts. It is a trying situation, but when you finally give your life to Christ....you will be blessed with the Holy Spirit who will be with you constantly, guiding you, convicting you, helping you thru tough times, he is Jesus whom you will feel wrap around you, run down you spine, maybe painful good bumps, tears, because it is Christ in You thru the Holy Spirit- it is Christ thru you thru the Holy Spirit, it is Christ for others east to west thru YOU with the Holy Spirit with you! Christ is our shield....shield of love. Too much darkness happening out there, if you don't get involved with bible study in a group, fellowship, the heart will easily begin to grow cold. But when you are active in a church, bible studies, helping others- wow it is the most amazing feeling God sends me! I am so blessed by Him to have been born a giver. It is my humble Godly act. We all have purposes on this earth- I have more than that-thanking Jesus for that successful 3rd awake brain surgery has blessed me with gifts I couldn't use before due to seizures, but it also blessed me with talents of art! 
    God is never on vacation, He is right beside you full of love and mercy! And thru Jesus I love each and everyone of you! 

    In His Love,

    Hetty J Siebens

    We love you all so much!

    12/24/14

    Christ in US!!

    Christ in US!! 

    by Hetty Siebens  ©

    Christ is IN US
    Christ is THRU US
    Christ is FOR US
    Christ has NO SIN ON US

    You my dear love are an example
    of how to live more like HIM
    others try to rule but should sample
    how to live in His light which won’t dim.

    There are days that seem so atrocious 
    my tiresome illnesses can fill my thoughts of endlessness
    but our precious, perfect God can be ferocious
    His love and grace on us HE pours to end faithlessness 

    Looking forward again to our future I see
    The beauty of Christ in you, Tory and me!
    I see days of beauty and fun, days unwell and tough
    But we serve a brilliant God who can smooth out all rough!

    As we keep seeking Him so much pain will evaporate
    Jesus will guide us to areas out of our “comfort zone”
    But reminding His plans are to prosper, not disintegrate
    We’re to keep spending MORE time with HIM, even time alone    

    We are yet to live like Christ-which is to die for Him
    Rid again of all our faults and built up sins
    Pick up our Cross-keep marching even when dim
    The road may be narrow but He will let us in!

    Our love dear Christian never loses it’s flame
    Our Love Christian never loses it’s purpose
    Our Love Christian never loses it’s faith
    We are just watched over by the ONE with The Name

    His Name is Jesus, His name Emmanuel, His name our Cornerstone
    His Name is Counselor, His Name Good Shepard, His Name is Savior, His Name The Rock
    And Our Risen One
    His Name The Alpha His Name The Omega, The Beginning and The End, 
    His Name Lord of Lords, His Name The Bread of Life, Lamb of God, His name Prince of Peace, His Name THE Messiah, 
    And The Holy One

    You and I have magnificent descriptions of our loves beauty
    ones that I could never overlook
    But our God out numbers us in splendor, trust, and mighty
    that is exactly why all mountains shook !

    But He is still so gracious to fill our cups up with love
    they runneth over so you and I as ONE could show
    our love wasn’t out of no where-it truly came from Him above
    As we chose to live in His light, not fight, we send His love aglow! 

    Let’s continue to burn His love for all this year
    Share His Word, place all on display 
    For our love in sharing Christ is delightful, no fear
    Let’s be excited, never scared of what people say!

    I love you Christian, you are my earthly rock
    I truly thank Christ daily for your precious love
    Let’s you and me go tell the town- see them shocked
    At how you and I are excited for what is ABOVE!

    I love you precious one… forever and eternity!!!



    MERRY CHRISTmas baby!!  2014 by Hetty J Siebens ©



    10/19/14

    Because of YOU


    I am ALIVE... to tell you how REAL Jesus is!! 


    "You know I can't be there each time that you call... I swore not to come but I'm here after all... I know by the look that I see in your eye... I won't stand around and I won't watch you die!!"  ~Nickelback

    Those lyrics were reality for me. My life growing up was very simple for the most part. But a couple things threw me into a spiral of mega trial for me. I didn't know Jesus... only heard about Him when I was 19, and graciously rejected all that stuff. But I look back now, and see His footprints and major clenches holding onto me thru so much. But there will never quite be an understanding of really WHY He saved me again October 19, 2003.... I always have to share this very openly every October because it is a shocking, amazing, breath taking reality. A daily reminder of how much He truly loves us thru so much of our crap we pull. He WILL be there each time that we call. Humans won't. And thank God my husband of today refused to be there that day for me. I don't think with his very little understanding of all I was going thru, went thru, what brain surgery can cause along with the addictive medication when prescribed at way too high of a dosage while pregnant. Nor would he ever really understand when I was beaten not quite two months after my 1st brain surgery -October 6th, 2002- how that was what started my whole addiction-overdosing of my anti seizure medication-Phenobarbital. He had seen me "unwell" several big times where I was knocked out for 24 hours. But had he ever been around for the amount I took October 19th 2003... seen me get my stomach pumped, need CPR, go into coma... and only reason I ever awakened ... with all doctors and nurses doubts... was my cry to Jesus to give me another chance. I had been seeking Him all year... but just wasn't at that "trust" stage yet. I still needed my major crutch... pop tons of my pills to escape... and if by any luck, for me and my precious 2 yr old daughter I really thought all would be better if I exited this world. All from the stress of an ex beating me right after my first brain surgery. I was very weak then. I never was prior. But God does allow a lot in our lives to crash, if other trials haven't woken us up to His glory yet. Just how far do we have to go to understand He has purpose for us--even with all the chaos in this world. It's a fallen world. I am not a perfect person. But I was on a very tough road back then mentally. I needed His love to soak in me to shine thru me-to get thru this thing called life.
    I hadn't been taking any of my Phenobarbital for almost 3 months. I had been angry at it for all the overdoses I had gone thru, put people thru. I adored, respected my neurologist Dr. Joseph F Drazkowski so much. I didn't want to keep failing him--he had been trying so hard to fix what was broken in me, neurologically, psychologically, and within my personal life and in my heart. He did not like my ex and all he had pulled on me. He fought in every way to always keep me well and full time mom of Tory. But I got a call the day after my appointment with Drazkowski--and he could tell something wasn't right with me. I was very edgy. My Phenobarb level was very very low from not taking it-he could see it. The next day my ex called on October 18th in just a huge denial after a year and legal papers and pictures taken of his beating. That threw me into anger and depression. My subconscious already knew what it was going to do about it. The next morning started out with just a big handful of my Phenobarbital storage. I had a high feeling going. The day led to me going to the gym with a friend-then us all going to the mall for some lunch and shopping. As for I had popped all-over 9000 mg the moment we left the gym. So I barely but surely remember I couldn't keep my salad on my plate. My friend didn't know what was wrong. I wound up purchasing multiple items I had no idea after math that I ever did.
    It hit me hard at the mall all of a sudden and I could feel life flashing. I usually took a lower amount where I could sleep it out. This was a scary feeling. I called my neurologist's cell phone about 6 pm-he told me to get to the ED up at Mayo ASAP....
    The hard parts I have to remember is that I was always "tough" Heather. I said I could drive-would meet my friend at my apartment so he could take me from there. I flew down a 2 lane street that was a 40 mph--at 85... turned into a 35 one lane... and I just didn't wake up from that. But God covered my childs life-and we somehow made it home safe.
    The rest of the way I don't remember when my friend was driving me to Mayo. I was out. I only woke up to the stomach pumping--which the stress on very low blood pressure probably was what put me into cardiac.... then coma. When I felt that tube going down I cried out to Jesus. He heard me, yes. He cared... He will stand around--always--but wouldn't watch me die yet. Not on His time. He was yet to mold my heart... my life... my child... my husband to be into this precious little family today-that look back at this today, yes I have some heart ache--but I see the obviously intervention of Christ and His love. His plans marvel me.
    When I woke up--life was so different. I was calm. I felt life was ok, I was taken care of. The Holy Spirit was beginning it's work. His love -Jesus-was already Alive in Me.... I was just getting prepped to get well-go home and jump into my Bible to understand WHY He would give me multiple tries-chances.
    That song by Nickelback feels like that night-and the time afterward I was in the hospital to get well and switch off that Phenobarbital and onto something else for my seizures. It is a song that just literally is reality- my life- God, Christian (my hubby) and me. I listen to it with a feeling of amazement. I was carried thru it. But that also, other people go thru it. And that is my point. We all have something-many have gone thru addiction, brain surgeries, domestic-violence, severe body pain (from my 3rd awake brain surgery) kidney issues, so on and on..... And I have always felt God woke me up big time thru all that- so I could share His Truth, raise my kiddo right, give love to others first, help any with issues- I can say I've been there-and thru many others. But this October issue was an amazing fall. A fall from leaning on myself and pills-and amazing to learn to lean on Christ. Life changes completely. Your outlook. The trials still arise- the perspective is just different... but correct. Satan still has ability to try to keep us all on his side-hell. He makes life absolute hell. But tempts us like it is gold. The closer you are to Christ, the more tough it is for Satan to get thru with his attacks. God has His arms around us thru all journeys- as long as we allow Him to--or don't turn away from Him in tough times.
    I've heard many stories of people finding Jesus just by being told about Him. I was not one of those easy soles. I needed tragedy to wake up. I am just so gracious He heals, He accepts and loves us thru all we do. Cause if I looked at all of this and had to make a decision -do I save?? I would have opted out of saving me... But He isn't weak... He is real.
    Drugs or Jesus Tim McGraw sang... that was what my year of 2003 was. A fight between trusting drugs to get me thru everything--or this Jesus guy... Jesus is love ... the pills are poison. Pills mask-Jesus heals... I am gracious.

    I am very gracious to have each of you as friends and family.... I still breathe due to the love of our Lord... and many prayers thru trials after I accepted Christ. His Love Never Ends.... my goal is for mine to never end for Him...and all of you....

    In Him,

    Heather

    http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe

    Jesus with my Baby and Me from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

    Joshua 1:9
    "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

    Psalm 65:3 Though we are overwhelmed by our sins, you forgive them all.

    Psalm 86:11 Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you.

    Psalm 86:5 O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.

    Zechariah 8:16 But this is what you must do: Tell the truth to each other. Render verdicts in your courts that are just and that lead to peace.

    John 10:7 so he explained it to them: “I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep."

    Acts 20:30 Even some men from your own group will rise up and distort the truth in order to draw a following.

    Romans 8:26-28  And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us in groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.

    1 Corinthians 1:3 May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.

    1 Corinthians 13: 1-3 
    If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

    John 1: 1-5

    In the beginning the Word already existed.
    The Word was with God,
    and the Word was God.
    He existed in the beginning with God.
    God created everything through him,
    and nothing was created except through him.
    The Word gave life to everything that was created,
    and his life brought light to everyone.
    The light shines in the darkness,
    and the darkness can never extinguish it




    9/6/14

    Dear God Hear Our Cries

    My God Given Princess

    What are our plans in life? How many major plans were true "plans" and not "a God blessed surprise?" The beautiful one year old above, is my baby Tory-now 13!! She was a "surprising gift!" Was not a plan when found out. My ex and I were already planning divorce. I looked at it all as a reason of good behind it all. My ex wanted abortion, as for he had been cheating again-if I kept her it would interrupt. I told him just to flee-I sign him out but I was having the baby. He decided to try it. That sure didn't go for long-all for my little one's benefit. She has a heart like and for God. He did not. The bit she ever saw him, not even knowing he had beaten me, she feared him. That is what started chaos with her health-while mine was being tackled still. She got hit with seizures as well from the stress of my ex-her biological deciding after almost 5 years since she was 1, to try to see if he could be dad a weekend out of every month he'd fly in town. My poor baby. I never wanted her to be hit with what I have suffered from my whole life. Yet - thrillingly went thru it way worse since I got pregnant with this princess. Worth every seizure on my behalf. And every brain surgery-all 3 brain resections-head open and closed 7 times. When her stress of my ex, exiting our lives-her seizures dissipated and does not take any medication any more-and hasn't in a couple years now. Praise our Lord! Her anxiety she had-disappeared as well. Amazing what was tough, but God took it by His hands and turned it all for His Glory.
    It wasn't like it wasn't tough for me-I wanted to take those seizures from her. But I knew God had a reason. And we WOULD get thru it. And watch it strengthen her. One Amazing God. But it is very very tough when it is someone else's child. Maybe cause I feel I have less ability to help. But what tears me apart is when these young ones have something I finally conquered thru faith and 3 brain surgeries and many medications. Yet I wish I could take it on for them. Precious Kate McRae got hit with seizures-tore my heart because when she had to have her first brain surgery in 2009- I bawled wishing I could take that on. I was having my 3rd awake brain surgery just a few months away-God give it to me, not this baby. But I watched them conquer it. Then relapse- and conquered. This angel keeps conquering all. She is now having the seizures most likely from tumor that has grown back-cancer, again. And again- my heart just wants to take it on. But our Lord works thru this family. This girl's faith- Kate is also indestructible. The reason God wants us child-like. Their trust handles it all so much better than our "control" desires. When we have to trust, give it to Him, not control. We can't. I pray so deeply for Kate and the family. 
    When people plan certain salaries and that doesn't occur, doesn't that stress many out? Many feel it is the end of the world, unfixable, and some just end life even over it from severe depression. Our Lord just has His own time, and a totally beautiful plan for all, but wants our trust, love, faith, and close walk with Him knowing He WILL CHANGE YOU, mold you- with your faith shining for His Glory!! His reasonings, His plans outweigh our thoughts and choices by so much!!! 
    Many feel they can't make it thru divorce ever- God heals hearts left and right as you give your whole life to Him. No matter the addiction, despair, illness- He cares so much and has beauty planned for His Glory, Honor, Praise....trusting it---- when we must walk with FAITH not by sight of this Amazing God who created us and loves us, and has beauty plans thru all tragedies..... gotta give it all to Him. Love and Trust Him.....

    Doesn't mean your heart can't hurt- be He will heal that too!

    Bless you all....

    In His Love,

    Heather Siebens

    Jeremiah 33: 2-3  “Thus says the Lord who made the earth, the Lord who formed it to establish it—the Lord is his name:  Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

    Numbers 12:13 And Moses cried to the Lord, “O God, please heal her—please.”

    Psalm 41:3 The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health.

    Hosea 6:1 [ A Call to Repentance ] “Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds.

    Matthew 4:24 News about him spread as far as Syria, and people soon began bringing to him all who were sick. And whatever their sickness or disease, or if they were demon possessed or epileptic or paralyzed—he healed them all.

    Luke 10:9 Heal the sick, and tell them, ‘The Kingdom of God is near you now.’

    1 Corinthians 12:9 The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing.

    1 Corinthians 13:7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

    1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.

    Philippians 1:25 Knowing this, I am convinced that I will remain alive so I can continue to help all of you grow and experience the joy of your faith.

    Joshua 1:9  This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”


    8/6/14

    Dear Friend Cody-how he found Jesus!!!

    Add to GoogleCornerstone Christian Fellowship

    My intro to a very dear friend, humble soul, follower of Christ-who trusts Him with all his heart, soul, mind, spirit-FAITH! 
    Cody and I never met, but we actually went to the same church-where we found Jesus at different times. He was mentally a tough cookie to change his negative "atheist" outlook for quite some time- but I give him no shame or blame. He was truly suffering in life already-but the beauty of it is God's love for us thru it all still. He was at Cody's side no matter how turned away he was. God knew how much he was going to need Him-search for Him, call out for Him, and soon turn to Him with some major trials and tough personal thoughts he had of himself. The way Satan works-all that negativity. But Cody was called to reach for Christ-and survive a tragic illness and so much more.... catch his story below.... Cody Ayars-such a blessing to many- a man of God- lives by the armor of love thru Christ! For Christ....  



    After spending 26 years and 9 months as an atheist and in that time being bullied, picked on, beat up, alone in the world, suffering from obesity, speech impairment, and depression was a painful and challenging time going through elementary, middle, and high school. It hurt and scarred me for a majority of my life that brought me to some very low points, I'm talking about suicide for me it was an easy way out of the hell I was living not having a single friend to reach out too for support, comfort, assurance. My senior year of high school I started dating and shortly after graduation we moved in together and then we engaged at 19 years old and thing s were looking up for me we were planning on starting a family and when I turned 20 years old that's when my life took a nose dive for the worst, my girlfriend ended the relationship and threw a restraining order and left me with the bills which caused tremendous pain, hurt, anger, frustration, bitterness, and hatred toward women. From that point I ventured into what I call the 7 years of hell, all those words described became how I lived my life showing no care, no remorse, and no mercy! I lost my home to foreclosure, filed chapter 7 bankruptcy, lost my truck. Having the mindset on how can I inflict as much hurt and pain on others taking no prisoners pushing back my family and causing much hurt and scars on them when all they did was care about me and the remaining three months of that 7 year venture I had once again re-visited the lowest point in my life having no will to live dragging my feet hating the reflection in the mirror so desperately wanting to end my mere existence on this earth quit my job and had to make a decision to stay in Colorado or move to Arizona. So the day came it was 3 am and I was still undecided and I heard a voice in my mind saying "Just Go!" and so I was off to Arizona with more question marks than solutions, moved in with my sister and we talked shortly after she invited me to her home church (Cornerstone Chandler) and she made the comment to me that I will never forget, Well Cody you have nothing to lose. So I remember crying out to God stating if you are real and do exist prove it to me without a doubt, I'm giving you one chance to show me God! I shortly started attending church and the first 8-10 sermons it was like God was specifically talking to me and I was completed shocked and amazed! At the same time my sister got me plugged into the young adult ministry "Camber" and I got a call from a man and he invited me to small group and I went scared and nervous wondering if I was going to be judged and not accepted and I went and the man I spoke with on the phone was the first to introduce himself and from that point took me a broken, hurting atheist under his wing and introduce me to community and Jesus and two months later accepting Jesus in my life and a month after that was baptised. I started to make a lot of changes in my life and I got a job and then quit it out of anger and then I experienced an incredible journey (a trial) getting a front row seat to God's faithfulness and Grace. For 6 months I was unemployed with no money, no health insurance and in that time God showed in himself and revealed to me that he does exist and deeply love me and yearns for a closer relationship with me. I faced 4 near evictions (back to back), electric disconnections, need of food and resources and My Implantable Cardiovascular Defibrillator (ICD) had a very low battery and I continued to love the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength loving others as myself (Luke 10:27) and went to God for help and having total trust and faith in HIM asking for a solution. The next day I get a call for my cardiologist's assistant and was asked to come to the doctors office and my heart doctor awarded me that the ICD, operating room, and ICD specialist will all be donated a $105,000 surgery donated. God provided and showed up once again on HIS good timing. I grew up with a heart murmur and at 17 years old needed to have open heart surgery to repair the damage, 5 years later at 22 years old had an ICD implanted to help support my heart and was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse with a enlarged heart,  5 years later at 27 years old I was diagnosed with Heart Disease and was told I will need a heart transplant within 1-5 years I was shocked and wanted to do anything to avoid the heart transplant I went to God for any solutions to delivery me from that. My mentor called me shortly after blessing me with a the P90X workout and he encouraged me to stick with it and even did it with me and I completed the 90 day challenged dropped 55 pounds and a few months after had a follow up appointment with my cardiologist and he was impressed with my weight loss and energy levels and said that as long as I continue being active that I should never need a heart transplant in my lifetime! Just to update my testimony in November of 2013 my ICD starting beeping (2 years after my last heart surgery to the replace that battery) and this time again I had no health insurance and no job, I prayed to The Lord for guidance and provisions and as weeks went by I began to trust in HIM as I searched for options online and finally after 2 months (a few days after Christmas) I received a letter stating I was approved for Access (AZ health plan for free) and 2 weeks later I was able to go through with my 4th heart surgery and they also had to replace one of the four "leads" that are embedded in the heart valves. I had been unemployed for now 13 months and God has been providing for all my needs along the way. In conclusion I remember thinking I will never live to see age 30 and here I am 30 years old going on 46 months in my walk with Christ and I praise and worship HIM daily for each day I live and also thank HIM for my mentor and for bringing other leaders into my life to help me grow stronger in my walk with Jesus! Looking back over my life so far I've experienced more in life over the past 30 months with God than 26 years and 9 months as an atheist! God has healed me from hatred, speech impairment, self-consumed mindset and mistrust in people.

    by Cody Ayars

    1 Peter 4:10
    God has given each of you a gift from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.

    John 16:33
    I have told you all this so that you may have peace in Me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

    8/5/14

    Lift Up Our Eyes

    Add to GooglePrecious Friend Amy Mescher- my Mentor for YEARS! 

    "You're the Giver of Life," Dear Jesus!!!

    No matter how lost, how unwell, how busy, how full of hatred, how confused-- "we" can't truly fix these issues... what WE can do is bring our hearts to Him from so far away!!! And it is Jesus that can lift us, comfort us, heal us, change us-our focus. Have us see or re-see or open our hard hearts to His amazing unconditional love. Open our understanding, truly all He does for us. Starting with creation.

    But many of us never learn about Him growing up. Parents of this generation think it is the "right" thing not to press anything on their children-let them "figure" it all out when they get older-what is "their" right faith. I lived thru that. As many know, I had to find Him the near death way.

    But as we live our faith, no matter what is going on-you can feel the comfort and see plans from our Lord being made for us. But when the tough time feels like it isn't going to end, we begin to doubt, pull away. During my illness when there were no answers for such debilitating pain after my 3rd brain surgery-I figured God clocked out on me. So I figured I would handle it myself then.
    Never once did He leave me. But my comfort was not there. When we harden our hearts-we easily doubt, get angry, feel jaded.

    But turning back to Christ may not have given me a direct answer on how to cure my body pain. But my comfort and trust and hope was back. That is fine with me. Whatever pain I endure, I need Christ more, so perhaps that is His way of keeping me close-the thorn in my side. I just have seen and been thru amazing healing-am finally seizure free following that 3rd brain surgery. We have to see the blessings and live them out. When we don't-there is a little pause on our plans until we see as close thru His eyes as possible.

    Thru this pain, the most days I could-minus some selfish ones, I reached out to friends to enjoy time with me. Share life struggles. Be their for them in any way possible. And when my body could-take them to my art room and PAINT!!!!! :) I love to comfort others and thru all I've endured in life-thru the grace of God, be able to share stories and guide souls on right and wrong actions in His eyes. Yet let them know-He loves them no matter what choice. Just might have some learning time when we do something we know biblically better.

    I have been very blessed being in two states I have lived many years in both. Both states are much kinder to my body pain than MN. And MN is beautiful. It just attacks my body in excruciating pain. Arizona hurts my body for a few months when the monsoon comes in. And So Orange County made my body feel new again. Both places I met up with friends I haven't seem in over a decade! God is so good! Plus, my husband and I had such a marvelous time. That is all glory to God! We are very gracious for guiding us together and pouring so much love on us, even when we don't deserve it. To YOU GOD--all the Glory, Honor, Praise!

    Thru anything, no everything you go thru- don't doubt Jesus. Lift up your eyes to our giver of life! To Him nothing is impossible-this I know very well! Have Him show you the love HE has for you-and so many others. Give your stress and worries to Him. Spend time with Him, the family and friends He blessed you with. Sharing His Truth and Love. Trust in His love always-He will never fail you!

    Much love to you all from me....

    In His Love,

    Heather Siebens
    http://www.Facebook.com/AliveinMe
    http://www.twitter.com/AliveinMe










    Ephesians 2: 8-10
    God saved you by His special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done. so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.

    7/25/14

    Least You Could Do....

    Me and Amanda


    "The Least You Can Do"
    Phil Collins....
    altered one word... to friend.... 

    I was lying awake last night, waiting for your call
    But if the rumours are true, that won't bother you at all
    I'm trying hard to understand
    What it takes to be your friend
    Now I don't have to wonder anymore

    Least you can do is say you're sorry
    Least you can do is give me back my heart
    Just give me back my heart

    Seems living in hope was wrong those years I was away
    Thinking your letters, I never received, had gone astray
    You said you'd always be there for me
    Like a fool I thought you'd be
    Now I don't know what I was thinking at all

    But the least you can do is say you're sorry girl
    Least you can do is give me back my heart
    I won't come around no more
    You won't find me standing outside your door
    Least you can do is tell me why, tell me why

    The least you can do is say you're sorry girl
    Least you can do is give me back my heart
    I won't come around no more
    You won't find me standing outside your door
    But the least you can do is tell me why

    I won't be your fool anymore
    There's no need to be cruel anymore …no, no
    Least you can do is say you're sorry girl
    The least you can do is give me back my heart ….just give me back my heart

    7/21/14

    Wealth of Love


    Love: I Will Not Backdown! 

    I can't let you slip right through my hands
    No, my love, don't try and run
    See in my eyes, you and I are one

    Every step you take, I'll be a second behind
    Every move you make, I'll be the thorn in your side
    And know you can't fight this now
    I will not back down

    I'm the sky, the stars, the moon, the setting sun
    I'm the feeling inside you when you're coming undone
    You know you can't fight this now
    I will not back down, oh, will not back down
    By Alex Band

    Beautiful lyrics, as Alex Band always has whether solo or in a band. His voice in a band will take a huge percentage of all attention. It is a very one in a million amazing voice!

    The love my husband gives me is something amazing that takes my full attention. Is always on my mind. Is one soul, in every way, he shows me his affection and love. His care, especially with all the medical stuff I go thru which in turn puts my family thru. He tries to make everything as easy as possible for me to get thru it all-as we keep seeking to find answers and cures. Christian keeps our family aligned and alive, and to him I am ever so grateful!

    My daughter- a very special gift from God. One that was going to learn quickly and deeply about Jesus as I started to go to church when she was two. She soaked that up and shared all she knew with everyone she'd be with. "Did you know that Jesus died on the Cross for you?" It was beautiful... yet I hadn't accepted Him yet, so I was a bit mortified!! She has breezed thru all my illnesses and medical complications knowing God has a major purpose for me-one big one is being her mommy! And I am so grateful she views that. And is thrilled to tell kids what my brain has gone thru! My amazing girl just keeps growing-now has her own horses. Responsibility. Awesome child of God. Blessed Christian and I forever.

    Then showing up here in Phoenix for some intense doctor appointments. I never knew I'd be staying with my parents THIS long. This stay has been so relaxing, filled with joy and love and memories. My mom always has hugs... it almost feels like going back to being a child. It has been an amazing time-going to get lunch together, update lives. I am ever so grateful for my mom and dad... and the love they show and share. I am more than blessed- I am wealthy with their love! That is how it feels! Like if you have a million dollars... same thing here but with their love. I'd take this over the money any day. One day one of us won't be here-and that money won't come with us to Heaven, nor will anything we purchased with it- but in time, our loved ones will who know our dear Lord and Savior- our Creator and Messiah... Jesus Christ. 

    He has very much blessed me with this trip. Not just being in a lot less pain. But overflowing with love. Love of family. Not objects. Love is so the most important gift-it will go to Heaven with you. Has been the best stay down here in Phoenix in so long. And I credit the fact that I am with my parents. Mom's and Dad's fill little spots in the heart that become thirsty over time...time of not seeing them or communicating. When it is like before...it feels like the heart grows 3 times bigger!!! 

    So dealing with all the pain I had to deal with up north- I am grateful to God- as for it gave me the reason to visit and stay with my mom and dad. Otherwise things would have just stayed more distant again. And that is so hard. The pain has calmed except for my bad rotator cuff I've had since 2006. I need to have that looked at. So, we will see what future holds! 

    So much love to all of you! Blessed I am to have you in my life!

    In His Love,

    Heather

    Deuteronomy 6:5 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.

    1 Kings 10:9 Praise the Lord your God, who delights in you and has placed you on the throne of Israel. Because of the Lord’s eternal love for Israel, he has made you king so you can rule with justice and righteousness.”

    1 Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

    Job 10:12 You gave me life and showed me your unfailing love. My life was preserved by your care.

    Psalm 25:7 Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord.

    Psalm 33:22 Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.